Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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