but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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