i may or may not be watching the land before time
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
