Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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