My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
