woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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