imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
