I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
