just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
