My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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