everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
