I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
