We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
