i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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