throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You dont lie about slip and slides
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
