dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Congratulations! We have a period
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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