I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
