I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
