shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
