I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
