I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
