just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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