Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
