i would punch a child for taco bell
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
