"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
