You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
