Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
