Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
