Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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