Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
