Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
