I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
even my farts smell like vagina
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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