My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I intend to get homeless drunk
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
