on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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