Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
