I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
