My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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