I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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