Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
