I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm getting married
To pizza
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
