Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
