If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize