and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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