hotel room ftw
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize