Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
