Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
