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he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
