the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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