Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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