i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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