I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
