Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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