Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
