I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
