so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
