he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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