I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
