We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize